Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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