Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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