i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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