Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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