Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
