you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
