Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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