I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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