so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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