My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
