Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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