Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
