So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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