The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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