Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my god I love twenty year old dicks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
