does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
