Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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