she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
