Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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