TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
