I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Randomize
