yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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