I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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