her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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