bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
