Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize