mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
