Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
