last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
