In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
