So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
