Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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