i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
