It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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