Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
