Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
