Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize