i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
