have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
