Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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