did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize