How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
