you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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