we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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