my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
