Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
