he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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