you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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