That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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