My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
