this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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