Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
