Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
