I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize