I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
