I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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