Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we're so committed to being not committed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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