So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
