oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
