Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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