Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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