The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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