hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
